I ran into Graywolf6 at the tack shop before the big festivities. I was looking for some maroon and gray 3M stall wraps and he was looking at leather lead shanks.
"Hey Wolfie, thanks a lot for withdrawing A.P. Star Trace from Equinics", I said sarcastically. "Now my colt has to race instead. He's only got 4 lifetime starts."
"Tale Of Two Places will do a good job for
us" he deadpanned.
"Yeah," I replied, "they'll have to send out a search
party for him."
Doral then came in. He is an interesting dude. Unlike his party, party, party evil twin, Revelaton, who is the ringleader of that band of nasty boyz from DelPenn, Doral is a deeply religious guy. No drinking, no smoking, no swearing, no sex...well...no drinking, smoking or swearing anyway.
"Bonus, do you think any of those religious leaders will REALLY show up?" he queried.
"Oh sure." I said. "No doubt you'll see Holyghost chatting with Mother Teresa and Ghandi. Maybe Holyghost can even arrange for you to kiss The Pope's ring. In fact, the only difference between The Pope and Holyghost
is that The Pope expects you to kiss his ring, ONLY."
As you might expect from someone with a twin named for a Bible chapter, Doral was appalled at my irreverant attitude.
While turning to leave, Doral said, "Before I forget, you asked about mytwin brother yesterday. He called me last night...he got off fairly easy THIS time. He paid his fine and only has to do 50 hours of community service. He'll be conducting backstretch tours for poor kids so it's not even like work."
"What was he thinking", I asked, "when he swiped the toilet paper from every rest stop along their Equinics torch route?" (a fact conveniently omitted from the DelPenn diary). "Boys will be boys!" he smiled.
Like many of the Queensland trainers, Railrider goes both ways...err...I mean they have dual residency at both Queensland and New South Wales. So he was a
natural selection to bring the Equinics torch across the Queensland/NSW border. We all met him there and took turns carrying it to Brisbane. The torch was then placed on a pedestal next to the life size bronze of Phar Lap which graces the Queensland Race Course apron. We let Ajclark and Springapp secure the torch in place, providing them with a healthy outlet for their
bondage fetish.
Jockeymax, Wasatch13, Ozparkstud and Orrrdago, who shared in carrying the torch for the bulk of the route, stared in awe. There was the Equinics
torch burning brightly, illuminating the mighty Phar Lap. The Equinics spirit filled the air. Now off to the party!
I went home, showered, shaved and laid out my clothes for the party. How
about a short nap first?, I thought.
Next thing I knew the phone rang.
It was Doral. "Where the @^*# ARE you?", he said, totally out of character.
"Here...I guess...what's up?"
"The POPE is here!!!!!!!! The Pope is
HEEERE!!!!!!!!! Get over here NOW!!"...click.
Shaking off the cobwebs, I quickly dressed and headed for the Hyatt
Brisbane.
The guard at the door of the grand ballroom demanded to see my
credentials. He had a list of invited guests. "So, you think you're Nextbonus, huh? You don't look like the guy in the photo!"
I explained that the guy in the photo was hung over, hadn't shaved in 3 days, and was operating on 2 hours sleep.
He finally believed me when I produced a K-Mart credit card and some Enron
stock certificates with my name on them.
"Yeah...you're a Queensland
horse trainer, alright...c'mon in."
Once inside, I was awestricken. Celebrities, world and religious leaders,
and even...The Pope!!! We Queensland trainers are not used to rubbing
elbows with a crowd like this...and it showed.
His Holiness was engrossed in a conversation with Holyghost when Gezlodge broke in and asked, "Where's the Father and the Son?"
Too much vodka, Gez.
I overheard Dowelly asking Tom Cruise how Nicole Kidman was.
Not cool.
Then Railrider accidently bumped into Bill Clinton while both were oogling
Madonna.
"Pardon me!" said Railrider.
Mr. Clinton replied, "Sure!...but
it will cost ya!"
Railrider is one of the few trainers with a second job. He's a pharmacist
at the drugstore just a kilometer from the track. We go there often to shoot
the breeze and pick up everything from shaving cream to ...umm...protection
for those "intimate moments."
Some people wonder if it is just a coincidence that Railrider's stock
races much better the start after the pharmaceutical truck delivers to his
store. In any event, we can count on him to help us out in a pinch...within
reason.
Gezlodge staggered over to him and slurred, "That Madonna chick...she's
been eyeing me all evening...you got any Viagra?"
"Gez, you've got a better
chance of being Bar Mitzfahed by The Pope than getting lucky with Madonna.
Besides, giving you Viagra would be like putting a brand new flagpole on a
condemned building."
The Blessing Of Gez
Speaking of Madonna, I'm not saying she's dumb, but I did overhear her
telling Dowelly a story. I didn't catch all of it, but what I heard was
this. "I was worried that my mechanic was trying to rip me off. I was
relieved when he told that all I needed was turn signal fluid."
Toward the end of the evening I paid a visit to the religious table.
Three noted men of the cloth were signing copies of the new book they'd written jointly. Jesse Jackson, Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggert were autographing "Reverends Do More Than Lay People."
Time to go home. Big day tomorrow.
