NEW YORK RACING

Who Are Mister X and the Mystery Man?

News: New York

BY SENIOR EDITOR JEFF CARLSON

Theburgler, Sanibel, Othello, Cusiman31, Harlequins and Ronnie take the torch and start on their way to the Staten Island ferry and a visit with Don Giovanni to show him the torch. The Boss and the rest of the crew go their separate ways intending to hook up later at the Big Oval to pass the torch for it’s last leg of the journey to Vermont and the Equinics site. The guys can’t seem to find a cab willing to stop for some wise guys with a flaming torch so they head down to the subway for the trip down to the Battery. Now a New York City subway is used to some odd behavior on the train but riders were unprepared for five guys in custom silk suits carrying a torch. As the little group waited on the platform, and a train was starting to pull in, a desperate character suddenly lunged forward and tried to grab the torch and push Ronnie in front of the speeding train. But at the same time a pickpocket had been casing Ronnie and the guys and he was about to dip Ronnie’s pocket when Ronnie was pushed into him and the dip fell on the tracks and the bumper quickly eyed the situation and melted into the crowd before anyone could grab him. Luckily for the pickpocket, he fell right in-between the tracks and the train rolled over him but never touched him. As an aside, he was so shaken by this experience, he gave up his life of petty crime and became a wandering preacher who rode the subways extolling the greatness of L. Ron Hubbard and had the first mobile ministry. The boys were almost unaware of what had just happened except for Harlequins, who tried to get a good look at the pusher but couldn’t see all his face, but there was a certain familiarity that he couldn’t quite shake. Eventually the boys made it to the ferry and boarded the ship and were ready for a little sightseeing. When they were half way to Staten Island, Harlequins told Ronnie to let Theburgler guard the torch and come with him to the back deck of the ferry to show him an illusion with the Statue of Liberty. They group stayed on the top deck in the front while the other two walked to the rear of the boat. In a few minutes, Harlequins returned alone, with a stern look on his face and the others silently realized that Ronnie had screwed up once too often for The Boss’s liking and they knew that Ronnie was now synchronized swimming with the fish.

When the ferry docked in Staten Island, Mikeb, Tidy4 and TFV were waiting for them to take them to Don Giovanni’s compound. When they arrived at the compound, the entire group had to give up their weapons and were made comfortable as Harlequins and the torch were escorted into TwoEarOneEyeNineToe Giovanni’s study. As Harlequins entered with the torch, he realized that the Don was not alone and entering from the shadows of the room was a man wearing the red gowns of a papal cardinal. Harlequins kissed the Don’s hand in respect and was introduced to Cardinal Riccilou by the Don. The Cardinal and the Don took the torch into the light and started to examine it carefully while harlequins stood by silently wondering what was going on here. Finally, the pair finished the examination and told Harlequins to tell The Boss that this wasn’t the true torch. Seeing the perplexed look on Harlequins face the Cardinal started to explain what had happened. "My son, the original torch was an artifact of immense power and great antiquity. It was originally made in Sicily and was looted by the Greeks on a raid to the island and somehow was used by the Greeks as a symbol of their Equinic games, but the Greeks never realized the latent power in the torch and how one person with the correct knowledge could rule the world. The original torch was recovered during the crusades and was returned to Rome to be guarded by the pope. At this point, the history gets a bit vague but it is believed that a Trappist Monk during the Renaissance was cataloging the treasures in the Vatican basement and had too much Chimay ale to drink and used the torch to find the stables so he could see to put a pebble under the horseshoe of the next day’s favorite in the chariot races. And that was the last time anyone remembers seeing the torch. The monk was so drunk he couldn’t remember if he returned the torch to the Vatican or had left it somewhere and the problem is that the treasure trove in the basement of the Vatican is so large that no one has ever been able to catalog it all. But the Cardinal assured Harlequins that this was indeed a copy and the original torch and it’s powers were still lost in the ages and then dismissed him and sent him back to they guys to return to The Boss. It was an uneventful ride back on the ferry, but the guys got a little misty half way back, thinking of Ronnie swimming in New York harbor. Harlequins called the Boss and related everything that had happened and was told by the Boss that the exchange of the torch was scheduled for 3:00AM, out at the Big Oval and we should all meet there.

The rendezvous point was the infield of the Big Oval at the grave of the great Ruffian and at a little before 3 everyone was there except the Boss, who was near the backstretch talking to a hooded man and the Vermont representative. The Boss finished his conversation with the mystery man and walked up to our group and just then the rep from Vermont showed up and we were ready for business. The Boss looked him over and asked his name and the password. He replied, "Snowstorm and the password is rw7v9q." The Boss smiled and motioned for Winticket to give the torch to Snowstorm when from out of the shadows jumped three men. It was Harlequins, the hooded mystery man and RONNIE!!!! They pounced on Snowstorm and grappled him to the ground and Ronnie reached up to scratch his face but actually peeled off a latex mask and under the disguise was BILLGULCH!!!! Everyone was stunned but the Boss smiled and startled us again, "this isn’t BillGulch, this is XBillGulchX his identical evil twin brother." Everyone looked to the Boss for some kind of explanation and he continued..."this is his evil twin brother, he even has the same powers as BillGulch, you know, controlling the weather, making horses and people disappear and then reappear, stealing money from bankrolls and never getting caught, and generally controlling his own little world. We found out that his evil brother was going to steal the torch, make the track sloppy and yielding for the equinics and fix every race. We suspect BRAD was initially part of this conspiracy but he seems to have disappeared. The Swedes were duped into working with the evil twin because he promised them a harness racing circuit that they could control and lord over and Ronnie overheard his brothers talking about it and brought it to our attention. We know they tried to get the torch by tricking the California delegation in the forests of Sweden but those two dumb asses, Whirlwind and TS disappeared with the torch and they were looking to lift it ever since. We knew the evil one was going to have to try himself soon because time was running out and Ronnie helped lay the perfect trap. The mystery man is the real Snowstorm sent by Ldyssecret to help catch the evil one and bring the torch on the last leg of it’s journey. We have just the place to confine the evil one and the Boss motioned to Elprado1 and Jhenry to take the prisoner to the deepest subterranean chamber in the New York City sewer system and chain him and leave him guarded by the mythical giant albino alligators that rule the lower levels." The Boss turned to Snowstorm and asked for the password and he replied "tq7yv4" and the Boss smiled and gave him the torch. The Boss then told Snowstorm to give his mistress this message..."we have helped you and given you a service in friendship but there may come a time and that time may never come but we will call on you for an accommodation or favor and with this debt, we will expect your complete co-operation."

And that my friends is the tale of how the torch got to Vermont, but you know, The Boss still can’t pick a winner in a one horse race...

Finis!!!!

 We like to thanks Jeff Carlson New York Racing Senior Editor for cover this story!